Hey everyone! I am more than thrilled to finally be able to present to you the Handsome Jack 2018 Pinup Calendar!

This post is for the SFW version of the calendar! Thank you so much to all the lovely artists who contributed to this project: herkal, gay-for-rhys, hyperi0ns, rainbowpui, warmandfuzzylogic, handsomepeacock, dingotk, sinnamon-jack, hyperioncompanyman, qvoro, and jennpy! Special thanks to crystalcaravanner for the cover work andĀ nessiefromspace for pinch-hitting with the date pages!

Link to the file for all of the calendar entries is HERE!

Interested in getting a physical copy? I’ve researched and found a couple of options:

  • Vistaprint: No customization of the month/date pages, but fairly cheap and has frequent sales!
  • Shutterfly: No customization of the month/date pages, more expensive but higher quality, has coupons/sales.
  • Artscow: Full customization of month/date pages, shipping for calendars is pricey but has frequent coupon/sales and an indefinite site-wide 35% discount on total purchase.

There are plenty other options for customizable calendars but that should be a good place to get started!

Thanks again to all the artists and contributors, and I hope you all have a happy 2018 with our favorite sexy trash man!

Hey everyone! I am more than thrilled to finally be able to present to you the Handsome Jack 2018 Pinup Calendar!

This post is for the NSFW version of the calendar! Thank you so much to all the lovely artists who contributed to this project: motherfuckingmoran, starfruitspice, jennpy, dauverney, whiskeybottlebluez, das-uberchicken, visnomer, handsomepeacock, xcorajuda, and hyperiontrashbin! Special thanks to crystalcaravanner for the cover work andĀ nessiefromspace for pinch-hitting with the date pages!

Link to the file for all of the calendar entries is HERE!

Interested in getting a physical copy? I’ve researched and found a couple of options:

  • Vistaprint: No customization of the month/date pages, but fairly cheap and has frequent sales!
  • Shutterfly: No customization of the month/date pages, more expensive but higher quality, has coupons/sales.
  • Artscow: Full customization of month/date pages, shipping for calendars is pricey but has frequent coupon/sales and an indefinite site-wide 35% discount on total purchase.

There are plenty other options for customizable calendars but that should be a good place to get started!

Thanks again to all the artists and contributors, and I hope you all have a happy 2018 with our favorite sexy trash man!

2017 in Cosplay (January-May)

Holy shit I cosplayed a lot this year! Even debuted Atlas Rhys and Fiona! And of course did a lot of shoots as Jack and revamped a lot of that cosplay. Though for this coming year I’m already thinking of redo-ing some parts….a cosplayer’s work is never really done!

ā€œJack’s Eggs-perimentā€

Jack snapped his head around, heartbeat quickening as his hands groped backwards, coming away with a planet-sized amount of concern about the squishy, slick, pulsing mass wiggling right up against his back. And about the meaty, winding things starting to curl around his ankles. Those were definitely worrying.

ā€œH-Hey, Hey! Get—get off!ā€ Jack snarled, swinging out behind him with his fists. He felt them land, thwack-ing agains whatever was grabbing him close, but it didn’t seem to do any good. He looked down to see thick tendrils, blue blue and glowing like the fluid of the tanks before him, already wrapped around his calves up to the knee.

Just as he was trying to kick and get them off, the tentacles around his legs heaved all at once, lifting him clear off the ground and all the way back into the mass behind him.

ā€œCrap—!ā€

Please forgive the bad title.

Commission for @handsomepeacock​ to accompany this beautiful picture here! Oviposition/tentacles/xenophilia/dubcon to follow. Set before the events of TPS.

I really enjoyed writing this one šŸ™‚

Jack had a love-hate relationship with R&D.

On the one hand, they made some really cool stuff. There were grenades that scorched the flesh even as they made enemies muscle seize in place, paralyzed and unable to do anything but watch as burns spread all over their bodies. As well as some ā€œmasculine enhancementā€ drugs that Jack definitely didn’t need but thought might be fun to try out, once they were fully outta their trial phase. Ā 

However, getting to look at and maybe even play around with prototypes meant having to field an obnoxious handful of eccentric personalities aggravated from being shoved in such close quarters.

He’d been having correspondence with Dr. Grayson but apparently he was taking a sick day due to an intestinal infestation or something, Jack honestly didn’t really want to know, but he figured dealing with that was probably a lot more fun than having to struggle to talk to Dr. Grayson’s’s distracted replacement.

ā€œHahaha, it’s really such a shame that Dr. Grayson had to get sick on the day you two were supposed to meet, huh? Funny.ā€ Dr. Drymon wiped a hand over his nose, leaving Jack wondering if there was some kind of bug going through the entire damn department. He tried to hold his breath as much as he could, limiting his communication to mostly head-nods and terse sentences as he watched the doctor cough all over his hands.

ā€œYeah. Hilarious. How about you scurry off and grab me the reports Dr. Grayson left for me? I’m in a hurry to get outta this germ ward.ā€ He snorted angrily as Dr. Drymon wiped his palms on his lab coat, splattered with various shades of who-knows-what. Ā 

ā€œW-w-wait here, just one second, I’ll be um…I’ll be right back!ā€ Dr. Drymon pointed at one of the chairs before skittering off down one of the many branching hallways. Jack glared after him, hands on his hips, stealing glances from the hallway to the empty chair, finally plopping down with an exaggerated huff.

Great.

He was gonna be pissed if he had to spend the entire day waiting on his tech, only to come away with whatever disease was making its way through the ranks of these scientists.

Well. While he was here, he might as well have a look around. The brand new thresher enclosure had just been completed, and he’d been itching to see it in its finished, flourishing state.

Jack scooted in the chair, grunting in annoyance when it ground with an unpleasant, metallic scrape and refused to budge. Jack frowned, grabbing the chair by the arms and lifting it up, waddling over close to the glass walls separating the labs from the vast enclosures. He shook his head as he plopped the chair back down on the floor.

Wheeled office chairs. That was going to be his first order of business as soon as he took over this place.

The newly built thresher inclosure was surely a sight to behold. Jack was pretty sure, considering Helios’ size, even as a work-in-progress, they could expand on huge enclosures like this and populate them with hundreds of different engineered creatures. He’d been wrestling with the idea of a robotic army versus one of the more flesh and blood variety, and while he was still leaning towards the former the deadly-looking creatures crawling around beyond the thick glass made a very compelling case.

The stalkers in particular fascinated him. Ever since the enclosure had been completed Jack had made sure to keep lines open between his personal interests and the team’s observations. Most of their preliminary notes had tried to focus on the capabilities of stalker venom, until Jack had geeeently redirected them back towards their cloaking abilities. They already had guns that could spit acid and turn skin into pudding, anyway, and the idea of being able to turn invisible and undetectable tickled his interest a lot more than anything analyzing natural poisons could teach.

But Dr. Drymon was taking way too long to get back to him, and Jack was getting antsy surrounded by all the whirring machinery, beeping lights, and sloshing, dripping specimens. So he slapped his thighs and rocked to his feet, sticking his hands innocently in his jean pockets as he poked about the lab.

The Biological Engineering subsection was always a hoot. The air in the whole place seemed filled with the suspended dust of a hundred vivisected corpses, and there were plenty of dangerous looking specimens pacing about in steel cages or floating, barely twitching, in huge glass cylinders full of amber liquid.

Most of it was stuff that he’d seen on previous visits, give or take a couple new creatures or freshly grown limbs and teeth. But as he continued walking around the perimeter of the lab, something new caught his eye.

In one, slightly isolated corner of the lab was an array of large, cuboidal tanks filled to the brim with a glowing, bright blue liquid. There were four in total, fanning out from the meet of the corner. Three of the tanks were clouded with big, misshapen looking objects with several long appendages trailing off in all directions. Jack tilted his head, feeling interest thrum through his body at the alien glow and mysterious objects inside the tanks. He took a couple of steps closer, reaching out to place his palm up against the glass wall of the tank when a sudden squelch drew his attention downwards.

How he didn’t notice the puddle of bright blue fluid on the floor around the tank was a mystery, but as he lifted his foot he was annoyed to find it was unusually sticky, clinging to the sole of his shoe.

ā€œUgh—these are newā€”ā€œ Jack growled, kicking his foot and trying to shake the goo off of his boot. He hopped back on one leg, trying to pull away from the sticky puddle, only for his sole to slip against the slick metallic floor, sending the programmer crashing backwards with a shriek.

He was expecting to crack his skull on the floor and wake up to the stupid, irresponsible face of Dr. Drymon or one of his interns, but instead his back landed with a soft thwack against something solid and meaty and warm.

ā€œWhat the hellā€”ā€œ

Jack snapped his head around, heartbeat quickening as his hands groped backwards, coming away with a planet-sized amount of concern about the squishy, slick, pulsing mass wiggling right up against his back. And about the meaty, winding things starting to curl around his ankles. Those were definitely worrying.

ā€œH-Hey, Hey! Get—get off!ā€ Jack snarled, swinging out behind him with his fists. He felt them land, thwack-ing agains whatever was grabbing him close, but it didn’t seem to do any good. He looked down to see thick tendrils, blue blue and glowing like the fluid of the tanks before him, already wrapped around his calves up to the knee.

Just as he was trying to kick and get them off, the tentacles around his legs heaved all at once, lifting him clear off the ground and all the way back into the mass behind him.

ā€œCrap—!ā€

Jack grunted as he was forced to rest against the creature like a chair, the tentacles curling in the air as they lifted his knees all the way up, almost level with his head as his legs were forcibly bent.

He still couldn’t Ā get a good look at the main body of the thing but well, judging by the fact that one out of four of these tanks were empty, and there was goo all over the floor….he could hazard a guess.

Ohhh. These frikkin’ scientists were gunning for a firing. Who the hell didn’t make sure the frikkin’ tops were secured on these god damn tanks?

Jack snapped his eyes down when the appendages adjusted their grip, wrapping around his upper thighs now.There was a tentacle waving around down by his groin, a long, slimy thing topped with a cruel, hooked claw that had Jack trying to close his legs even as they were stiffly held apart.

He squirmed as the claw inched closer, trailing along the fresh denim of his pants. He closed his eyes tight, convinced he was about to get neutered.

Instead, he felt the fabric pop underneath the tip of the stinger, tearing in a wide arch over the crotch of his pants. Jack’s eyes creaked back open, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he watched the claw rip a huge hole in his pants, bisecting his fly in the process and leaving his ass and cock bared to the cool, circulated air of the lab.

Jack cringed.

What a day to go commando.

If the thing’s intentions weren’t already clear, there was no way to deny what it wanted to use him for now that it had ripped a hole in his pants and was busy stroking Jack’s newly accessible skin.

ā€œH-Hey! Careful with the merchandise, ā€˜kay?ā€ Jack jerked as the slippery tip of the tendril crept over his balls and started to curl up his shaft like vines on a pillar. It left a trail of slime like a snail, residue glowing almost as brightly as the appendage itself. It squeezed his shaft, and he shuddered—it felt like a slick, boneless fist clenching around his dick.

And it didn’t feel bad, which kind of made Jack annoyed. He preferred getting jerked off by a sexy lady or attractive guy, or at the very least a humanoid alien. More than just a ball of tentacles, he was saying. He didn’t want to like this, and he stared daggers down at his cock, as if he could will it back to flaccidity.

He was so busy focused on the tendril currently trying to jerk him off that he barely noticed another traveling behind him until it lapped against his cheek. And by the time he did it was too late—even as he pulled away sharply, his affronted yell was stifled as a blunted, ribbed tentacle shoved into his mouth and down his throat.

Jack gagged, breathing harshly through his nose as he tried to get control of his breathing. His throat spasmed and squeezed tightly around the intrusion, as if trying to push it out, but to no avail. It continued its inexorable path down his throat, causing it to bulge out unnaturally. Angry tears watered in the corner of Jack’s eyes at the stretch, his teeth digging into the girth of the glutinous tentacle now filling his mouth.

He could almost feel the tentacle in the area of his sternum when it finally seemed to stop, much to his weak relief—a temporary respite that was torn away when the tentacle suddenly swelled up unimaginably thicker and pushed a torrent of warm, heavy liquid down into his stomach.

He moaned, spine arching at the uncomfortable sensation, like drinking a too-hot cup of coffee and being conscious of its path all the way down. His dick and throat clenched, brain not sure which one to focus on first.

This was all just a confused head-rush of a mess. Jack didn’t really know what exactly this creature was trying to do. It seemed to be. Well. Aroused somehow, despite being a blob of eyes and teeth and tentacles that was probably one of the least sexy things that Jack had had groping him, but all it had really done so far was stroke his dick and pump something thick and heavy down his throat. He figured if it was aroused it would have already presented him with some kind of dick or vagina or something that would either fuck or be fucked by him. But now, it just kept squeezing around his dick—not nearly enough to really jerk him off, even—and swelling and contracting as it pushed more and more viscous liquid down into his stomach.

Which. His stomach was kind of getting a little full. Like what would happen when Jack got a particularly nice paycheck and decided to treat himself to a couple whiskey sours and a full steak dinner at Nyx. If the manager was in a good enough mood to respond to his flirting he could even expect a complimentary dessert.

So…yeah. Whatever was being squirted down his throat was starting to settle heavily in his stomach, making him feel a little bit bloated.

He felt it stir in his belly, almost like it was a living thing itself, or maybe it was just the muscles in his organs contracting around this unwanted volume. Which….was actually starting to feel a little warm and fluttering inside him. Dare he say….good?

No. No. Except….maybe. Because the warmth in his stomach was starting to spread out from his core, leaving a tingling feeling throughout his body that eventually went to his head, making his vision shimmer like he was on some weird drug.

….Huh. He lolled his tongue against the pulsing tentacle in his mouth, feeling how numb it’d become. He could still taste, and in fact it seemed like that sense had sharpened while the rest had dulled. The tentacle tasted thickly sweet, like R&D was bathing these creatures in syrup.

Jack was feeling so fuzzy and floaty that he barely noticed the thicker, stouter appendage swelling up between his legs until its flared head was resting just up against his ass. He jerked in the monster’s pulsing grip, teeth biting instinctively around the tentacle in his mouth as he glanced with wide eyes down towards his groin.

Oooohhhh crap.

Muffled protests barely made it out from his filled mouth as he wiggled violently, fixated on the appendage bubbling slippery, fluorescent blue slime out of a yawning orifice. It was like some kind of freaky plant, like the type that would lure bugs inside and then digest them into goo. And it was making a beeline for his uncomfortably exposed ass.

Jack clenched his cheeks together, even as the warm feeling spread throughout his body urged him to open up. He groaned, furrowing his brow in indecision, but the monster seemed willing to act where he hesitated. Or it didn’t really care what he thought, because it was strong enough to shove right in anyway regardless of how tight Jack was. He quickly learned the hard (heh) way that he better loosen up as the thick appendage pushed inside of him, making him feel like he’d just sat on a shotgun barrel.

Jack groaned unattractively, head thrown back against the pulsating mass behind him as the appendage plunged inside of him. His ass stretched wide around its shaft, insides quivering against the sudden intrusion.

Jack wasn’t so proud and stubborn a man that he’d never played around with his ass before. But a frikkin’ tentacle was a lot different than plugs or strap-ons or his own fingers. Especially a tentacle that felt like a god-damn tree root.

He wriggled weakly, body sluggish with whatever was being pumped down his throat as he made another impotent escape attempt. It was useless, basically, at this point, but his brain was telling him to fear something even if his body wasn’t listening. Stupid body.

He continued in this fugue for some time, until he felt the thick prick in his ass start to swell even larger. He cringed, head jerking down. Jack could barely understand what was happening as he watched the long shaft of the thing bulge out in large beads, like peas in some alien pod. They pulsed and constricted, one such bulge pressing up against the tight ring of his ass, nudging it out inch by inch and oh good frikkin’ lord, what now?

Jack’s teeth dug into the appendage in his mouth as the one in his ass swelled out, muscles in its shaft pushing a big, ovate something through his entrance and into his tract. He tried to protest against the unnatural feeling, but the tentacle stuffed in his throat and occupying his mouth made it impossible for it to come out as anything other than a pathetic whimper.

It was a strange, unpleasant feeling to have something large and round roll up into his already bloated gut, stuffing him even further. Discomfort spread through his entire abdomen as the appendage in his ass pushed the way all the way up until it settled in deep, somewhere in the pit of his stomach. He squirmed in place, praying that this was over and done now but…of course not. Why would any garbage deity ever answer the prayers of someone like Jack?

So more of those bulges were a’comin’. They squeezed, one after another, into his tract, rolling and clacking into each other like billiard balls. Frustrated tears gathered in the corners of Jack’s eyes as he glared at the appendage pumping these….things into him. God. Damn. Ā Was it…did it…did these scatterbrained scientists even know how it reproduced? Why the hell would they keep these things around if they could just grab random people trying to mind their own business and put…these…eggs in them…

And yet despite it all he was still aroused. Even the discomfort of the eggs in his stomach did little to flag his erection. It didn’t help that he had a tentacle wrapped around his shape and that the eggs had to roll over his prostate to get into the upper reaches of his system. And with the pleasurable, warm substance being pumped into him, well…it wasn’t hit fault at all that he ended up coming against his shirt. His body trembled, stuck between wanting to go boneless in the aftermath and tensing from the continued assault of the creature. He wanted to close his eyes, but the entire mass vibrated like a massaging chair, refusing to let him rest.

Jack gasped as the tentacle in his mouth unexpectedly went limp and slithered out of his throat. He coughed up a glob of bright blue fluid on his shirt, grimacing as he watched it stain the yellow fabric. Great.

ā€œHah—what are you puttin’ in me, ahā€”ā€œ Jack hissed, clenching his teeth. His chin tipped back as an especially large egg tried to wedge itself into his ass, spreading the ring of muscle around his hole wider and thinner. Jack cringed, the flesh on the verge of tearing around the greatest diameter of the egg as it sunk inside of him, pushing his slick insides to their limit. He could feel the large egg shove up into the pit of his stomach, making it bulge awkwardly just below his belly button.

ā€œC-Can I get some more lube here? You’re not—ugh—you didn’t even take me to frikkin’ dinner first, make an honest woman outta me or nothing—ahh—!ā€œ Jack grunted as the ovipositor contracted, blasting his bowels with a harsh slap of fluid before continuing to pump more eggs into him.

His hands jerked against the tentacles holding them, instinctively wanting to press his palms into his belly in a futile attempt to stop the swelling. But it continued, inevitable like the orbit of Elpis, stretching his shirt out as a crescent of tan skin began to appear beneath the straining hem.

He was starting. To look. Pregnant.

What the hell.

ā€œT-These jerks better buy me new clothes—you hear me, cowards!ā€ Jack yelled, his own voice echoing throughout the walls of the lab. He cringed as his stomach pulsed outwards as more eggs were loaded inside of him, his shirt finally giving up and snapping up over the swell of his stomach, leaving it to jut impudently out from under his ribs.

ā€œOh, what the hell,ā€ Jack snarled as his belly was revealed. It was glowing softly underneath his skin—soft orbs of blue light shining so brightly he could see them. He burped, tasting something both syrupy and metallic.

ā€œThis is….so stupid.ā€

He glared pitifully at his growing stomach, his skin growing more and more lumpy and swollen as more eggs were stuffed into his guts, some even rolling against each other and making an uncomfortable noise that forced Jack’s teeth to grate. The tentacle around his cock stroked him almost apologetically, paying special attention to his oversensitive glans and balls. Little spikes of pleasure prickled through Jack’s spine, though his previous orgasm had left him pretty frikkin’ exhausted. He could definitely go plenty of rounds with a nice human lady who had like, limbs and a face and all. But even the most masculine of men (like himself) couldn’t be expected to endure sex with a mutant tentacle blob.

ā€œNnngh….bit too lil’….too late thereā€¦ā€ Jack groaned as an egg rolled over his prostate, sitting there for an unbearably long amount of time before its sibling pushed it along up into the overtaxed pit of Jack’s stomach. He felt like a steadily filling balloon, arousal mixing with fear as he wondered both how many eggs the creature had left and how many he could take without something inside of him bursting.

Thankfully, the steady push of eggs started to slow down. The tentacle around his cock managed to squeeze one last pitiful dribble of cum out of him as the final eggs slid inside, Jack’s entire body going slack and trembling as the thick ovipositor finally deflated and pulled out of him with a long shlick. Ā 

Jack had little energy to seek revenge even as the creature gradually released him, slithering away as it laid him in a pool of rapidly cooling slime and skulked back off towards its tank, sliding its massive bulk inside with less of a solid splash and more of a glorp, like sticking a finger into gelatin. Jack caught a brief glimpse of it as it slipped inside and honestly, almost wished he hadn’t. He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyelids, trying to erase the image and the last ten embarrassing minutes from his brain.

But the noises of the eggs inside of him as he shifted refused to let him forget. Sighing, Jack slid his hand down his body, frown deepening as his palms smoothed over the new ample curve of his middle.

His stomach was firm and tight, abs stretched in faint definition over it. He moaned at the fullness, the clutch pressing down against his organs and up against his diaphragm as he tried to sit up, only for the eggs to weigh heavily against his pelvis. He hissed through sticky teeth, hand cupping the underside of his full stomach. He was just starting to try to pull his shirt down over his swollen belly when rapid footsteps approached behind him. The hem popped woefully over his stomach, not that it would hide much of anything from the wide eyed Dr. Drymon at this point.

ā€œOh, oh no. I-I-I’m sorry sir I,ā€ the scientist stammered, his eyes wide with horror at the side of the half naked, slicked up programmer, ā€œo-one of my residents, she ah, um. She thought to test the trial of the ENGORGE pills on one of our more passive species and just…oh dear, oh dearā€¦ā€

ā€œWell….ā€ Jack groaned, eyes angry and cheeks bright red as he pressed a palm into his swollen belly. The eggs shifted under the pressure, some of the bulges visibly twitching. ā€œIn terms of virility, I think it’s ready for market.ā€