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I think perhaps I owe an explanation for some of my recent attitude and behavior

I think…back in 2011, summer-ish, I had a friend here that I considered myself very close to like. Talk constantly with close to. I genuinely considered them one of my friends and was happy to be around them and such. And then they got into the Sherlock fandom and completely dropped me. Like that. Replaced me with new friends and stopped chatting and basically ignored me from that point onwards. And considering that was right at the beginning of college when I was being forced into a new social situation and all these new roles and responsibilities I think it kind of fucked my brain up. Like a couple months later I had that massive breakdown and had to go on meds, and I think that at least…contributed in some way.

Like it wasn’t as if I hadn’t dealt with ended friendships before but usually there was…a reason. Or it was a slow distancing. Not just that very clearly they only cared because at the time we had a common interest, and now that that had changed I was no longer relevant, and I felt like a fool for believing we had anything more.

So like. This has basically colored my reaction to every hot new thang coming out and getting super popular. I have to play a guessing game of which people I thought I was close to are gonna decide I’m no longer worth their time, and not being able to tell who actually cares and who is just around because of a common interest makes me just stressed and angry and resentful and bitter towards anyone because I feel if I shove everyone away at least then I have the upper hand and the control to make it hurt less.

Anyway, this is why I tend to react negatively to a lot of popular things, I hope that can at least explain somewhat my feelings and why I get this way sometimes, and I hope I haven’t hurt anyone with the way I’ve been acting.